“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is.”
Imagine getting pushed down and not having the ability to get back up. The foot on your chest is pushing you down so hard that you can barely move. You have no choice but to lay there, helpless and uncomfortable.
What if I told you that life is the one that pushed you down, and the foot is your mind holding you back from getting back up.
“When outside forces disable you- it’s up to you to able you.”
When life kicks you in the ass, whether it be a break-up, a death of a loved one, losing a friend, etc., our mind-goes into a default protection mode. I say default because your mind immediately tries to find a way for you to be more comfortable by freezing you from taking any action that could make you even more uncomfortable. But that also leaves you stuck and helpless on the ground.
Diving into ourselves during difficult times is easier said than done. Figuring out our emotions and why we feel the way we do is also easier said than done. Taking action toward the uncomfortable, well, who would ever voluntarily choose that path?
Someone who wants to grow, that’s who.
It can be incredibly painful, so we respond in ways that suit us to be more comfortable instead of stepping out of our comfort zones and growing from the experience.
But I’m here to tell you that it isn’t so difficult, and the results are far more worth it than being stuck.
So how exactly do we do this
1: The first step is to figure out how you feel: This may be obvious to some, but not to everyone. Start simple. Does this make you feel good, bad, or what? Figure it out.
Let’s use ‘losing a friend’ as an example. So the first step could be: It makes me feel sad that we aren’t friends anymore.
2. Why does it make you feel that way? The second step includes diving in even deeper. Why do you feel sad? The answers lie deep within you; you just have to search for them. Don’t stop until you get to the root of the emotions. This one can be more challenging, so stay patient and ask a lot of questions!
Example: it makes me feel sad because now I won’t have that friend.
Why does that make you sad?
Because they were a good person and now I won’t have anyone to talk to.
Okay, so the problem is that you won’t have anyone to talk to? Why is that an issue?
Because it makes me feel lonely.
You’re sad you’re not friends with that person because you don’t want to feel lonely? GOOD! You got to the bottom of it, or did you?
You can even go deeper into it and ask yourself why you don’t want to feel lonely, and probably have a few more answers to dig into- but we will stick to the simpler example of this and stop at lonely for the sake of the article.
But for yourself: keep asking yourself questions until you get to the bottom of this. If you’re still unclear, then you haven’t asked yourself for enough information.
3. How can you change this: Now it’s time to do something about it. You can’t grow from this experience until you solve the problem. So now that you got to the bottom of your issue, what can you do to make this situation better?
Example: Make a list of things you can do that you won’t make you feel so lonely.
4. Follow through with you changing #3: This is like icing on the cake- you’ve done 99% of the work. Now you have to follow through. Take actionable steps that make you feel better.
Example: Daily participate in things that you wrote down on your list that help you feel social and happy.
This your action plan, and that’s all you need.
Do the best you can with what you have to make the best of any situation.
Don’t forget; emotions are sort of like a roller coaster ride. You climb up in excitement, but then the next thing you know you’re going straight down (and fast) before going back up all of a sudden to only do a loop, etc.,
It’s fine! flow with it. Take it one day at a time.
“Nobody said it would be easy, just that it would be worth it.”
The cool thing about this is that with any reaction you ever have to anything- you can figure out why that is. Dive deep into your emotions and figure out the root that is causing you to feel the way you do.
Once you figure out the roots, you can begin to problem solve and grow from the experiences and lessons.
You are not your emotions, don’t forget that. But you can certainly learn from them, change them, and grow all at the same time.
