How to Redefine and Increase Your Self-Worth

I often scroll through Quora to see what questions I can answer. Usually, I go for the questions that resonate with me the most so I can provide a more thorough and authentic answer. It wasn’t long before I stumbled upon a question that caught my eyes, and it wasn’t all that unfamiliar.

Why don’t I feel confident, and why are they making me feel this way?

It occurred to me that this isn’t the first time that I saw a question like this one. In fact, having spent the last few months scrolling through Quora questions, this was one of the more frequent ones that people asked on the platform.

So let’s dig in, shall we?

First of all, let’s get one thing straight about self-worth:

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

Although this is a brilliant statement, what Eleanor Roosevelt didn’t emphasize on was how to do that.

More often than not, we indirectly let others make us feel inferior. But we only allow that to happen because we don’t yet know our self-worth. We don’t know how valuable we truly are as individuals. We don’t know our fullest potential.

When we don’t know our self-worth, we are vulnerable and let others tamper with us and our self-esteem. We indirectly permit others to think (and sometimes do) whatever they want to our self-esteem. We allow them to judge us because we listen to what they say, and more often than not, we believe it too. We let their perception of us to define who we are as individuals.

Don’t forget,

“How people define you is a statement of their character, not yours.”

On the other hand, when we do know our self-worth, the game changes entirely for us. The way we think of ourselves and the way we carry ourselves is very different. Instead of allowing others to define us, we take it into our own hands and own who we are. Or at least try to, fake it until you make it anyone?

We are confident about who we are as individuals. We define ourselves instead of allowing others to do so. We outline our own direction in life. We know ourselves inside and out, and that follows us in the way we think, act and react, and present ourselves. The barriers between ourselves and our self-worth do not exist. We see our true colors and we don’t let anyone else get in the way.

But, how exactly do we get on that level?

It’s all about self-awareness.

Two words. One very different life.

Self-awareness is kind of like, living like a hermit and then climbing out of your shell and into the world and seeing how wonderful it can be and how you can benefit from it. But it starts with you being proactive with yourself and your life.

Things to keep in mind before you begin your journey:

1. Think of getting to know yourself as an adventure: If you think of it negatively- you will go in that negative direction. You’ll be too critical and you’ll make your own job much harder than it needs to be. Don’t be your own party-pooper. Keep an open mind and go where your curiosity and life takes you. Remember if you don’t like something- you can either change it (if it can be changed) or change your perception of it (from negative → positive). But getting to know yourself and increasing your self-worth is an adventure. It’ll be like a really long roller coaster ride but it can go as slow as you wish and doesn’t have to make you nauseous.
2. Have some fun: Fun is so freaking underrated. I can’t even go into that because it’s an entirely separate article. But the point of life is to have FUN. When was the last time you had fun? Can’t remember? Then you ought to get a good plan for this weekend. Getting to know yourself- can and will be very fun. Try to do things you’ve always wanted to. Let go of the anxiety and have a good time.
3. Don’t be so hard on yourself: Not everything you learn about yourself will be stellar. But remember that there is a balance between the good and the bad. You’re going to have as much good as the bad, but if you concentrate on the good, you’ll spend less time being critical of yourself and instead, you’ll see the beauty in yourself and life. When in doubt- go with the positives!
4. It’s better to face the issue head-on than not at all: The choice is always yours. You know you have problems- because everyone has problems and you’re no different. Some issues are worse than others, but individually, the intensity of our reaction is subjective (especially when the vulnerabilities comes out to play). The difference is how you deal with those issues. Are you going to sweep them under the rug and let them haunt you in the back of your mind? Or are you going to put on your brave pants and face your shit? Either accept it or change it- depending on the situation. But the real growth won’t start until you decide to face yourself.
5. Self-growth is a lifelong journey: You can’t figure your shit out in a week, or a month, or even a year. But you can figure out a lot of the little stuff that makes up your big stuff (how you live and such). The journey within lasts a lifetime and it is incredible. The sooner you get started, the sooner you’ll be on that real ride of a lifetime.

Getting to know and accepting yourself isn’t easy, but it sure as hell beats negligence. It changes your life in the best way possible. You learn about who you truly are and what you are truly capable of.

You learn what you can and can’t stand. You learn what your strengths are and how to cultivate them. You learn what your weaknesses are and how to deal with them positively.

You learn shit about yourself that people might have been telling you for years. You also learn things about yourself that shock the shit out of you. Accept the things you can’t change, and magnify the things you can.

Here are a few ways to get started on this journey:

1. Get a journal: Write in it every night/morning/free time. The shit you learn about yourself is INSANE. Which option do you like better? Laziness or self-worth? Everything begins with you, and today is the perfect day to start. 5 minutes is ALL you need. How much time time are you worth?
2. Pay attention to your emotions: Your emotions let you know how you feel about something. Sounds obvious, right? But why don’t we really consider them? When you’re feeling positive about something- acknowledge what it is exactly that you feel so positive about. Then practice more of those things every single day. When you’re feeling negative, get to the bottom of your feelings. WHY do you feel negative? What about the situation makes you feel negative? Usually, it’s not even about the situation at all, but merely about who you are as an individual and what your issue is.
3. Get out of your comfort zone: Nothing happens in your comfort zone. Well, at least no growth. When you have an idea or an itch to do something and it requires you to step out of your comfort zone- DO it. Have you read Mel Robbins’ The 5 Second Rule? No? I recommend it if you need help making decisions on a whim. Every day, step out of your comfort zone, pay attention to your emotions- get to the root of it (good or bad) and then work from there. You’ve got to be brave if you want to gain confidence and self-worth.

Don’t think that every amazing experience is part of self-growth. There’s both good and bad, and the intensity of both is equal. You can find out the most amazing things as well as the worst thing, the trick is HOW you handle it. Be easy on yourself and know that everything is both temporary and part of the progress. Patience is just as important as doing the work.

A real sign of progress is when we no longer punish ourselves for our imperfections. -Yung Pueblo

Getting to know yourself is like climbing a mountaintop. It’s not going to be easy, but shit, once you hit the top- no one can stop you now.

Once you gain the self-worth, you’ll stop eating up everyone’s comments and thoughts about you and take the driver’s seat instead.

To increase your self-worth means to raise awareness of yourself. Are you ready?