Self-Care Begins with Your Thoughts

“Self-care requires patience and love, but you’re worth it.”

Many bypass the fact that self-care is simply how we care for ourselves. Our mind is so powerful that it literally creates our reality-based on the thoughts that we have. Your well-intended thoughts and self-care work together here. This is a win-win situation.

In the last couple of months, I’ve been trying to catch myself randomly about what my inner-dialogue has been saying, and therefore, what kind of “inner” and outer world I am creating for myself.

Turns out – I bully myself A LOT. I’m constantly questioning my ability and worth subconsciously, even in the tiniest of matters. Basically doing the opposite of self-care, mindless chatter that has a bully voice.

Much of my thoughts are beating myself up about how something didn’t turn out the way I thought it was supposed to (expectations), or punishing myself for showing up in a certain way (insecurities), worrying about the past, the present, the future, honestly – the list just GOES on.

And it’s all happening subconsciously, AKA; I’m not at all aware that this is what I am doing basically the ENTIRE day from the moment I wake up to when I fall asleep at night.

And that’s the thing, we have no idea what’s going on in our heads unless we become aware of our emotions and thoughts. After all, our thoughts do affect our emotions. So becoming aware of how we are feeling in any given moment and figuring out what exactly we are thinking to support those feelings (even the negative ones) is crucial in creating positive change for ourselves.

We can treat our emotions as our GPS, or as I say, our “EGS” (see here to read Your Emotions are Your Emotional Guidance System).

Here’s something to keep in mind: your thoughts are NOT you – but they can be turmoil to yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually if you don’t get a hold of them and begin to do something about that subconscious mind of yours. If we don’t do anything, our outer world will play out the same, negative way forever. Again, the opposite of self-care that we so desperately need.

To be honest, I’m not sure if much of my negative bullying-thoughts are coming from a recent breakup or if it is something that I have always done. But I’m sure the breakup and the vulnerable feelings that it has given me doesn’t help my situation either. And while healing, self-care is SO important and so vital. Not due for more pain.

Either way – I’m not into it this whole self-bullying thing and I don’t need my soul to tell me how that toxicity isn’t serving me in any way.

So, I’ve compiled three things that I can do for myself to help eliminate the ‘waste’ in my head and I hope these help you too:

1. Daily mental/emotional check-in’s: These are check-ins that you do with yourself at any part of the day to see how are you are doing, what you are feeling, what thoughts are currently occupying your mind, etc., You can do these in the morning which can be a great refresher to your day. Or in the evening to reflect upon your day. Or even in the middle of the afternoon if you catch yourself in a negative state and can redirect thoughts elsewhere.
   1. Random alarms: Set a few different alarms on your phone throughout the day – where, when it goes off, you’re able to do a mental check-in during that time and reflect on what exactly is going on inside of your head right then and if it is helping or hurting your emotional state. You can then accommodate yourself with positive valid thoughts or sitting in silence and paying attention to your breathing for a few moments. You’ll notice after doing these mental/emotional check-in’s that the same thought patterns begin to arise and you can then take action in helping yourself work through these patterns and why you are having these underlying thoughts.
2. Meditate: meditation is an AMAZING way to clear and restart your brain. Personally, I love meditating in the morning because my mind is already at ease before it gets the rush of the day. It feels like I am taking a mental brain vitamin for the day. After only 10-15 minutes of meditation, I notice that my thoughts aren’t as negative, heavy, or automatic as on the days that I don’t meditate. Even my mood is generally calmer.
3. Overriding the negative thoughts: When you do come upon negative emotions/thoughts, ask yourself if those thoughts are even real or if they are even true. I notice that majority of my thoughts are just anxiety-driven or come from the ego to keep me down from rising into my higher self naturally. AKA, my ego is trying to keep me “safe” in the same place of which is no longer serving my higher self. Byron Katie, an amazing author, has an amazing process for these thoughts called the “4 questions,” you can ask yourself these anytime  thought arises:
   1. Is it true? 
   2. Can you absolutely know it’s true? 
   3. How do you react – what happens – when you believe in that thought? 
   4. Who would you be without the thought?

Again, you are NOT your thoughts – and your thoughts are NOT you. It’s your attachments to these thoughts that make them real and “true.” Being aware of this by itself; is self-care. One step at a time.

When you begin to pay attention to your mind and what you are thinking, you’ll begin to understand WHY you’re attached and affected by them.

Some pointers when doing this work:

1. Be SO gentle on yourself: Trust me, if you knew the sh*t you were telling yourself about yourself and all day long, 365 days a year, you wouldn’t continue that negative self-talk. Instead, treat your inner-child the way you would treat your baby. The best advice I’ve gotten recently was to “mother” myself. To talk and treat my inner child like I would want my mother to treat me or how I would treat my child. If this advice resonates, I’m glad because it has worked marvelously for me since first hearing this advice.
2. Don’t get too crazy about this work: Trust me, you can sit there all day and analyze what goes through your head and why. But you don’t need to catch every single thought and work through it in every moment possible. There are not enough moments for it all and you’ll only cause yourself inner chaos and exhaustion. Trust me, the right realizations and moments will come at the right time, you just have to be aware of it so you can catch it and do something about it. You don’t have to feel overwhelmed about getting it all done right now. Take it one emotion, one thought, one day at a time. It’s not a race, which brings us to the next pointer..
3. This work NEVER ends: it won’t end as long as we are alive, because that’s the point of our human-selves is to evolve as we grow. Overall, this is a lifetime worth of work. Yes, you will hit plenty of milestones and positivity through much of your work. And you will feel the results by your new changed response to yourself and the life around you. This is something you will work on for the rest of your life – teaching yourself to become unconditioned by your conditioning and unlearning from what you were taught to think about and of yourself according to society, your mom, your ego, etc., So keep it simple, keep it balanced and be consistent and gentle on yourself. And the best for last is…
4. Don’t forget to have some FUN: This work can be HARD, exhausting, never-ending, etc., so find a way to enjoy your journey so you won’t be turned off by doing the work. A few ideas can be:
   1. Dancing off your negative emotions/thoughts: This one is one of my favorites. Before you begin dancing, set an intention to shed off any negative thoughts, feelings, etc., that are no longer serving you (and finish off your intention with “..and so it is”). Then put on your favorite song, like Dance Monkey for me, and just SHAKE.IT.OFF. Dance it out. Lose yourself in the song, and all of that negativity will be lost as well.
   2. Get out in nature: Dude, you know nature is healing. Just stepping outside alone is therapeutic. Go for a walk, go visit the forest, go watch the sunset on the beach, ground yourself and it’ll help you naturally resolve the problems in your mind.
   3. Don’t take yourself too seriously: If you can make personal growth fun for yourself – you’ve won. Don’t take yourself too seriously because you don’t want to get lost in the ‘perfection’ of it; there’s no such thing. This is messy work, go easy on yourself.
   4. Celebrate yourself: THIS is something that is totally and completely underrated. Find a way to celebrate yourself DAILY for all that you have done. Whether you figured out why something causes you distress, rising above it, or recognizing yourself for all the work you have done thus far into your life, no obstacle is too little or small to not be celebrated by you. Celebrate yourself for doing the work. For showing up for yourself. Celebrate yourself and you’ll find that you not only feel better about yourself, but you also learn to love yourself through all of this mess and beauty. Personally, I write down 5 things I’m proud of myself for each day and it’s a great way to end the day on a positive and reflective note.

Final note

Your own self-care is for nobody else but you. The way you speak to and of yourself is on you. Becoming aware of yourself FOR yourself is the greatest work you can do in this lifetime.

Take care of your mind, body, and soul. And much of this work begins with the 50K-70K thought patterns that we are constantly and subconsciously bombarding our beautiful minds and lives with. Imagine what conscious and intentional self-care practices and affirmations can do for you.

You can do this.

Leave a comment if you have resonated with any of this and/or if you have any additional tools that you can share to add to this list!

If you want to learn more about how to get out of your own way through personal and spiritual growth, you can find out more information on how to work with me HERE or send me a message and we can take the next steps from there.

I love you guys! Have an amazing week! Go instill your personal self-care routine in your life beginning with this thought: “I love myself.”