The advice that changed who I was in 10 seconds and lasted for nearly 20 years.
Who else loves storytelling?
I swear some of the best storytelling are the stories from our own life and experiences. So here’s goes nothing:
This was the day I was leaving my orphanage.
This day played a huge role in shaping who I was to become for the next 20 years.
I remember very important words that were spoken to me by one of the babushkas, “Now be a good girl and don’t do anything to get sent back like the other children.”
Uh, what?
That sentence changed my entire life at that very moment. I realized that if I can control myself and my life, I could control my destiny and make sure I didn’t end up at an orphanage again.
Adopted kids were always getting returned, including ones that I knew myself — so I had made that statement into my motto (can’t say I followed it that well in the beginning though).
That sentence affected me for a long time to come, and it did more harm than good. What I mean is this: I deliberately picked up the role of being someone else in order to please others and be accepted in fear of being turned away. Choosing fear (aka survival) action step. I learned how to be someone else without fully embracing myself so I was always included, especially in a family.
I also realized that I could control myself and my experiences, instead of surrendering to them and allowing them to play out naturally. Unfortunately, this went on for 20 years. I had learned to control who can love me (and how), who can be in my life (or not), etc.,
Moral of the story:
I was so busy controlling on the default that I forgot how to surrender to all the love and amazing humans who were around me. The control had left me aggravated, exhausted, and unable to properly surrender to anything and everything.
I wouldn’t allow love in because I was so busy controlling my life instead of just simply surrendering and experiencing it all.
Now I am learning how to surrender to everything, and it’s so f*cking hard — because I forgot how to do it and my default mode is to take action.
During this crazy time in the world, I am being forced to sit down and surrender to everything and anything — I’m being forced to not take any action but to just surrender, feel and relax. I trust that this is all happening in divine timing and serving a purpose for us all to go inward and heal.
I hope you are all able to do the same.
